Love in Wales

I apologise for not blogging recently, but there is a good reason. Johan, Perspiration Betty, Sweaty Nora and I headed off to the Shropshire coast, only to find some mountains in between the sea and the edge of Shropshire. Perspiration Betty's SatNav still showed us as being in Shropshire for a while though, and I thought I was going to lose the bet, but finally it flicked over to showing us in Aber-wrist-watch (or something like that) on the coast. We proceeded to celebrate the existence of Wales, and it was whilst out on the town/village, I met the most beautiful monkey I have ever seen. Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl. She had yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there, know what I mean! She was there with her friends, and it was a whirlwind romance, doing things that unwed monkeys shouldn't, and we decided to stay a few days on; but it was not to be.

I was approaching asking her to elope with me to Gretna Green, but she then dropped the bombshell. She was there on her hen-do, and I was her final fling! I should have guessed by her clothing, wearing a hen outfit from Ann Summers. I felt used. We parted amicably, but I swore never to be hurt again.

We headed back to Shropshire, where I decided I needed a sole focus in life: I vowed to dedicate my life to the Conservative cause, and would not rest until David Cameron was Prime Minister.

Off to the Shropshire coast

I've been arguing with Johan, Sweaty Nora and Perspiration Betty. We've been talking about Europe and they think that Wales has been abolished by the European Union. They base this rather foolish idea on a document and map that was published in 2004 by the European Union which showed Wales as, well, quite simply not there. As it's Bank Holiday Monday tomorrow, we're off to the Shropshire coast to discover if Wales still exists. I've got a ten pound bet and a banana sandwich riding on on this. I'll be back soon.

Tories and holidays

I know I'm looking for a job, preferably with good pay, bananas, prospects and an understanding for Conservatism, but like everyone, I would look forward to a day off when I finally get a decent job. There have been whispers that the Conservatives may look at introducing three new bank holidays, and I welcome this, although the policy forum hasn't published its findings yet.

So without further ado, here are my suggestions for three new bank holidays:

• Winston Churchill Day: (date to be decided) why not honour the great man?


• National holiday: England and St George's Day, Scotland and St David's Day, Wales and St Andrew's Day. (Northern Ireland has St Patrick's Day off already)


• Banana Day: (date to be decided) Let us honour the greatest fruit God has ever given us.

David Cameron, I hope you are reading this.

Addendum: I've just been informed I got Wales' and Scotland's patron saints the wrong way round. What do you expect from a good British education, where Wikipedia is seen as the ultimate authority? I've got thirteen MCSEs (Monkey Certificate of Secondary Education).

My new friends - links to me

Checking out Technorati, it seems that I am making friends with my blog. Everyone who links to me, I intend to link back (as long as you are nice). Particular prominence will be given to those who give me bananas.

Of particular interest of recent links here is someone with ther rather odd moniker of "Miserable Old Fart", who suggests Ludlow could be more worthy of the title of the capital of Wales? Hmmm.... In his comments section, there's a comment on Offa's Dyke, the one-time border between England and Wales. To be honest with you, bwt, I always thought Offa's Dyke was a great name for the local massage parlour here in Ludlow....

But if I am making friends in Wales, too, it's time to brush up on my Welsh. What's the Welsh for Tory? Ceidwadwyr? How do you pronounce that?