Monkey votes

Well, I admit it, I've been on the pop again. But never mind all that. Earlier on in the week, I got around to filling in my ballot paper for voting in the Conservative Future elections. This is me with my ballot paper! I was getting pissed at the time, however, so the picture is not a great one.

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Thanks to Theo Spark for pointing this out.

Back in the South West

I look forward to returning to the South West of this beautiful country of ours, England, within the next couple of weeks, as I have got word they are selecting for the West Country seat of Wurzelton. Since being deselected for Barmpotsby in Yorkshire, I have been looking around for a seat where I can bring my true blue monkey potential.

Wurzelton is a very historic city in the South West and the constituency encompasses some historic small market-towns and villages as well, including Midsomer Badger, and has been a seat of some political interest in the past few years. If selected, I would ensure that the seat returns to the Conservative representation it deserves.

You may think it's bananas, but I look forward to returning to the South West. Down my local cafe, Sweaty Nora's Greasy Poon (sic; it should be a greasy spoon, but the S fell off the sign), I had a chat with Perspiration Betty, Nora's sister. She was expressing concerns at me returning to frontline politics. I suffered some exhaustion as the candidate for Barmpotsby. I reassured her: Wurzelton is closer than Barmpotsby in Yorkshire, and I'd still return to her greasy poon regularly!

CF Election

As previously stated, I'm declining to comment on the CF elections at this point due to the volatile turn of events that has occurred. All I will say is that I am supporting the following candidates, having found them worthy of my support:

MICHAEL ROCK
ANASTASIA BEAUMONT-BOTT
STEVEN RICKETTS

I shall say no more on the subject for now.

Good luck.

CF Election hustings in Bristol 3

I would particularly like to thank John Moorcraft for his assistance in arranging my security at the event. I stayed with him for a couple of days and enjoyed a beer and a long chat or two with him, although I must say that the facilities he provided for my security and transportation from his house back to Ludlow left much to be desired.

That's the last time I ever travel by ParcelForce! Thank you for your hospitality, and f*** you for the piss-poor travel arrangements, John. There's only one thing to say in your favour, and that's that I met no North Koreans during the event. North Koreans scare me.

CF Election hustings in Bristol 2

Here's me with their local chairman of CF, Nick Webb (above), and his deputy, Laura (below). My thanks to them for hosting the event.

CF Election hustings in Bristol

Oh well, my agent has advised me to keep my opinions on the electoral process in light of the recent debate of the CF elections, that's why I have not blogged for a while.

I enjoyed a jolly nice day, as I hope you can see from this photo of me outside the venue: