After leaving the count last night in search of champagne, Will Monk (the infamous Monkey with a Blue Rosette) was hit by a car driven by a bitter Labour party rival. He has been critically injured, and it is not known if he will make it. His family have been contacted, but are unable to make it immediately to the hospital bedside. Johan and Sweaty Nora are at his bedside. In respect for the Monkey, the local café Sweaty Nora's Greasy Spoon is closed for the day.
It is being currently treated as an accident, but even if the worst comes to the worst, there will be no manslaughter or murder charge, as the Monkey is not a human.
Please remember the Monkey in your thoughts and prayers today.
Smithfield Car Park Conservatives