Good morning Bristol!

Ah, this is exciting. I'm off to the CF hustings today, to see how it goes. The only problem is I have laryngitis, so won't be able to speak! Argh!

Anyway, here's a photo I took of me this morning outside my hotel, the Brigstow, overlooking the elegant Bristol harbour. It's a pricy hotel, but well worth it. They have a boat outside with a restaurant on it as well!

Bad news, good news

Unfortunately, it is with great regret that I have by mutual consent of both myself and the Constituency Association withdrawn from being the PPC of Barmpotsby. I am now without a constituency.

Good news though: I've just arrived in Bristol for attending and watching the CF hustings! Here's a picture of me at Temple Meads train station. See you all tomorrow!

Please ignore a certain Sunday tabloid

As a political figure, there are always skeletons in people's cupboards. It's perhaps fortunate that they've come out early in my career, clear the air, so to speak. I hope this won't jeopardise my future political career.

I reproduce one of the photos from the newspaper so you can see what I mean. I won't grace the offending newspaper with a link, as it is hardly one of my favourites, and may even be out to destroy my reputation in the name of sales. There's no point denying it was me either. I'll just say that many years ago, when I was a jobbing actor, roles were often hard to come by, and I did turn to alternative means to support myself. It is something that I regret immensely, and hoped that those days had been forgotten about.

I would like to thank my family, colleagues and friends for support during this difficult time.

CF politics and future chairman?

Let's get this blog back out of the gutter and away from my personal life (I'll be making a statement about that later).

I would like to make clear at this point that I have decided who will be getting support for the Conservative Future elections this year. I fully support Michael Rock. I've even managed to acquire a badge which says so! Go Michael! If you are a CF member, join the Facebook group!

Monkey admits scandal

Ladies and gentlemonkeys, I am sorry to admit that yes, I have been found out. By The Telegraph, of all papers. My thanks to ThunderDragon for making me aware of this.

Let's get this out of the way. The article in The Telegraph is correct. I have paid for sex, and rather than go through the rigmarole of going through trial by media in depth, I've decided to admit it straight away, get it out the way, and move on with my life. I am happy to report that The Telegraph has got some details wrong however. Sex only 3.5 times an hour? I am far more virile than that....

Happy New Year!

My thanks to everyone who came along to the Barmpotsby Conservatives pub crawl on the 31st December. It was well attended, even by dignitaries from across the region. It would be wrong of me to divulge what a certain senior member of the party told me of goings on in Westminster, but needless to say, it brings a whole new meaning to "order, order"!

I am quite looking forward to attending the CF hustings in Bristol later this month, but as it is somewhere new for me, I was quite worried about security. However, Nick Webb, the organiser, has confirmed that no North Koreans are expected to attend, so my worries have been abated. I have received private correspondence from Nick Webb which says "I will seek to ensure that your security is well maintained, it is taking place in one of the nicer parts of Bristol."

So thank you Mr Webb. I look forward to meeting you.