Leaving London

Friday was a final day of training in Conservative Central Office, or CCHQ as we insiders call it, before heading back home. About five minutes before the end, who should pop in? Only David Cameron himself! He spent a few moments with me, talking about the importance of renewal in the party, and was glad to have such members from diverse backgrounds, including me, a monkey! Unfortunately, he was off to make a speech somewhere so didn't have time to take a picture.

I headed over to London Euston, my confidence boosted. I decided it was time to ride home in style, so I caught the Virgin train back to Birmingham, first class!

I won't be online for a few days, as I'm watching the rugby. Toodle-pip!

Hangover in Westminster

I don't remember what happened last night. I don't remember if Mark Rhymes stayed out too late either. I found him to be a very slick and savvy. Quite a people person, very persuasive, a smooth talker. His words slide around you like the beer slid down my throat last night. Ah, beer. How I love you, yet how treacherous you are! All I know is that about 4am, I woke up back in my hotel room, with my mouth tasting like carpet. I'm still trying to put together what happened.

I got up a few hours later and went downstairs for breakfast, after a quick call in to work to call in sick again. I spoke to the call flow department, who deal with that sort of thing. They moaned about how there were a number of people calling in sick today. It seems the call centre industry, particularly in the directory enquiries subsector, has a lot of problems with staff retention and attendance, but I was pulling a genuine sickie this time, the hangover saw to that. I downed a gallon of coffee, put on my sunglasses and headed back to Tory HQ for another day of induction for A-List candidates.

It started well; and by lunchtime I felt assured of success. We headed over to the Houses of Parliament for lunch. I got my lunch (I was going to have a fry up to get over the hangover, but I felt sick, so had a banana fruit salad instead), and as we were queuing up to pay, an elderly and seemingly doddery and senile man was arguing with the cashier over the price of a cup of tea. He kept trying to pay one penny more. "That's Ming Campbell, leader of the Liberal Democrats," my Conservative colleague whispered to me. "This is where he's been hiding out all summer. Poor chap, he's had nowhere else to go. All on his own. He hasn't said a thing for months until just now."

The argument continued, until Ming finally lost it. "Do you know who I am?" he shouted.

"No," replied the cashier, quick as a flash, "and neither do the rest of the country!"

Nice retort. Oh, how I laughed. I would say the old ones are the best, but that's not true in Ming Campbell's case.

The afternoon went well, and I have to tell you, it was brilliant! And the best bit? I am now an A-List candidate! Must go now, I've been invited the Miss Tory T-Shirt competition hosted by the London West Conservative Bestiary tonight as a judge.

Westminster or Bust!

Getting to Conservative Central Office is a task in itself. Although the Smithfield car park where I live is quite near the railway line, it's a bit of a walk to the station itself. And then getting to London....Trains from Ludlow to London are not easy to catch. First you must trek to Shrewsbury, change then head over to Birmingham New Street, change then catch the Silverlink service or Virgin train down to London Euston. The alternative is to travel down to Hereford, and hope trains are running down into London Paddington. In the end, I opted for a very early start via Shrewsbury and Birmingham. It was slightly cheaper to go to London Marylebone from Birmingham Moor Street instead, so I did that.


Ah, London! How I love the town. My appointment at CCHQ was at 3pm, and I'm going to be staying in London for a few days. It's unusual, they said, to have potential A-List candidates coming forward this late in the political cycle, but after Ali Miraj fell from grace, a spot came up.

I nearly didn't make the appointment though. The London Underground had major problems caused by striking unions. How I love Margaret Thatcher for the way she stood up to the unions in the 1980s. What we need is a Tory leader like David Cameron who can carry on the way she did. (Is that OK, Central Office, to prove I'm not an Ancramite?)

Anyway, you'll be wanting to know how I got on. Well, it's only the first day. I did some tests first, some psychological profiling, to ensure I'm not nuts, although they say if you want to be involved in politics, you must be! From the results of one of the tests, I have the sort of character where I get upset if people don't park in spaces properly in car parks. Living in a tree above a car park, I can't say I'm all that bothered, but I nodded sagely and replied that it must mean I have an eye for detail when it comes to local issues.

They're going to give me some more tests tomorrow, give a few speeches, do some mock press interviews, and an odd one where I have to speak for three minutes authoratively on a topic I know nothing about. This is a vital skill in politics, aparently. I'm back at the hotel now, just logging on to let you all know I'm fine and living it up in London.

I'll have to go in a few minutes. I've been invited out for a few drinks by the Prospective Parliamentary Candidate for the Hooting constituency in South London, well known for its large owl population. His name is Mark Rhymes, and like me, is not a human. He's a secretary bird, which no doubt will appeal to the local bird population. He's also nominally the Chairman of the Conservative Bestiary, although the organisation is doing very little nationally at the moment.

Joining the party at last

Latest news: I just had an e-mail from London, and I've been invited to an interview tomorrow at Conservative Party HQ in Victoria Street, Westminster. They've been so impressed by this blog that they're giving me special dispensation, waiving the membership fee, and want to interview me for A-List candidacy! I was astonished, but already my political career is taking off.

The only problem is I just started my new job at a call centre here in Ludlow on Monday. An agency lined it up for me. I do like my job, working for a well known directory enquiries firm that have just set up a branch here in Ludlow, but it's only my third day I'll have to pull a sickie. Ah well, I did vow to dedicate my life to the Conservative cause. Here's a photo of me at work!